:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
