Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Randomize
