That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
