don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
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