I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Randomize
