I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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