It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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