I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
