My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
