And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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