It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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