Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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