she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
