She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Randomize
