Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
