She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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