Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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