Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
