I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
