Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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