dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Do plants get herpes?
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