it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
