My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
