Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
