I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
