In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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