Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
