Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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