Apparently you make a good broom.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
