he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
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