yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
