ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
