The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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