The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
