I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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