all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
