Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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