I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
