Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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