I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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