I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
