You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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