There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
