I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
