I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
