He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
