The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
