i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
