the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
