Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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