There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
