My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
