ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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