I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
