Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
What a dumb baby whore.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
