dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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