did you get engaged???
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
